When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
