I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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