Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Randomize
