And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
