I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
