batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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