Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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