That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
