The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
