there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
