Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
