Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
