I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
How's work?
Spinning.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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