I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
