We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
