just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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