But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
