Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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