Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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