just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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