Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Houston, we have a blender
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
