there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
