anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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