My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
