Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
