I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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