Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
