thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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