There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
