dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
