He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
