i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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