Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
