alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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