She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
