matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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