the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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