I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
