apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
