WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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