I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
