He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
