i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
