we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
