Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
