just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
