its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
