I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
