how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
