PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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