never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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