Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
