Farmville is her only friend.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
