I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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